Hi GNUUC members & friends!

I’m excited to be talking with you over the next few Sundays about the September topic, “Expectations.”

An interesting way to look at expectations is through the lens of family systems. I will be meeting with a few members to start building a genogram. That’s a family tree that also documents illness, addictions, fusion, and cutoff. Most of these conditions keep us from having productive relationships, either within our family or in other areas of life (including church). There is a way to approach relationships that is healing and life-affirming. Having been a student of Family Systems for over a decade, I can attest that this endeavor is challenging. While I’ve experienced success in my ministries when I use a family systems lens, I do not always succeed in my family of origin! Sometimes, even when we understand what it is that inhibits wholesome family interactions, we still act reflexively when confronted with certain challenges.

The field of human behavior is fascinating and evolving! My experience is that few in the helping professions use Family Systems as effectively as they might. Our chosen community can be a wonderful laboratory for human and spiritual growth; indeed it ought to be!

One area worth considering is that of our expectations as a community. You all have done some very impressive work on crafting policies and creating expectations for one another in relationships! 

And consider this: when folks visit GNUUC, we try to be welcoming and friendly. We answer their questions, invite them to lunch, and engage them in conversations. In what ways do we say not just “welcome”, but “we were expecting you” to LGBTQ+ people? To people with visible and invisible disabilities? To introverts? To young adults and children?

I can tell you that when my husband Eric and Seth visited this week, they felt warmly embraced. Although Seth hid in the office and fell asleep during the service, he didn’t feel judged or ignored. After learning that he has a Switch, one of our youth joined him and they had a positive interaction. As a person with Autism, who is usually either ignored or put into situations that make him uncomfortable, I think the message to him was: We were expecting you.

This is important for many reasons, and not only if we hope to grow! For every person that makes it to a service or event, there is a chance to change a person’s life the way UU faith changed yours.

Something to think about! See you on Sunday,

Cynthia

Hello GNUUC members & friends!

I was so honored to be a part of Dan Rosemergy’s memorial on Saturday.

Beyond that, I was impressed by the thoughtful, genuine, and elegant handling of everything: the building and grounds modifications; the lovely and delicious reception; the stunning flower displays; and the number of members who stepped up to help make things go smoothly. 

I’ve been thinking about why these elements are handled so well at GNUUC. I’ve worked at much larger congregations where people either won’t or don’t volunteer, and the feelings of burden and resentment are omnipresent. “This isn’t what I expected when I started attending church!” some active members may say. 

I also observed the care that has been given to Theresa Tarkington-Kersey since her unfortunate accident on Thursday eve. I watched as a member of the lay caring committee visited with her… how very well she reassured and comforted her, by listening and reflecting, by engaging her in conversation but making no judgments or assumptions. I know that the last thing Theresa expected was to be laid up for the next few months when she is such an active and capable member of our community.

Our expectations (about church, about relationships, about our health and longevity) can be gradually whittled away or dashed in seconds. Trying to meet the expectations of others can become a loathsome burden, engendering self-doubt and recrimination. Are we wrong or is it the expectations that were wrong?

In September, I’ll be talking about expectations: what we find out about our family and close relationships using family systems and intergenerational transmission models; what we as individuals in society can reasonably expect from our institutions, our associations, and the environment, and how we grow as humans when we understand and can synthesize our hopes, dreams, and unmet or unsatisfied longings. I hope you will join me on September 8 and don’t forget: bring a memento or a photo of your grandparents, if you have one, or someone you looked up to like a grandparent.

See you on Sunday!

Cynthia

Hi everyone!

I mentioned on Sunday that I have had the privilege of knowing Wendell Berry here in KY. We don’t hang out, but we are acquainted and chat when at the same event. It was I who encouraged the UUA to ask him to give the Ware Lecture when GA was in Louisville in 2013. The UUA President at the time asked Eboo Patel instead, and I was so disappointed! You see, Wendell Berry does not fly, and he was then nearing 80. Instead we invited him to lead our Social Witness event, focusing upon the effects of the coal industry on all of KY, including the areas of Louisville and the Ohio River impacted by the coal slurry ponds and generators.

Many UUs love Berry and use his quotes and poems. But they don’t know him or what kind of man he is. He is very fully human, and also has a good sense of humor! He’s conservative in the best sense of the word…teaching that we will have to go back to old methods of land use, including family farms, local economies, and reverence for nature if the planet and her people are to survive.

Here are some links you can follow to learn more about Berry and read some of his writing.

https://farmerwu.wordpress.com/quotations/wendell-berry-from-the-unsettling-of-america/

https://www.considerthepigeons.com/the-farm-by-wendell-berry

https://books.google.com/books?id=s5aAdf_ekbUC&pg=PA20&lpg=PA20&dq=wendell+berry+when+one+buys+the+farm+but+gradually&source=bl&ots=aJYRr4jeRa&sig=ACfU3U2tIo5n6QeOghYrjshProEysUh9xg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjOxvfXhIjkAhXKmeAKHYbqBs4Q6AEwEnoECA0QAQ#v=onepage&q=wendell%20berry%20when%20one%20buys%20the%20farm%20but%20gradually&f=false

https://www.religion-online.org/article/good-work-learning-about-ministry-from-wendell-berry/

His family have started a foundation, which funds a school for Sustainable Farming, that was originally located here in Washington County. www.berrycenter.org

Become a member! Or just enjoy his writings. What I didn’t mention in my two sermons on transitions is that change happens, when it does, in a myriad of ways, but one very important way is the arts. Visual art, poetry, fiction and non-fiction, as well as movies, theatre and music have all helped change me for the better. As has being a UU and part of a caring and sharing community of other UUs. See you at church!

Cynthia

I'm so enjoying getting to know all of you! The photo is of my oldest son, his partner in life and teaching yoga, and her sweet 4 year old, Willow. Willow is the closest thing I may get to a grandchild, and I adore her. She calls me CeeCee and I love it! My grandma name. I can barely imagine a transition more miraculous than my son has undergone in his five years of sobriety. Not all change is for the worse. I think part of my theology is that good things happen, too.

Thanks for the warm welcome.

Since we are focusing on transitions this month, I'm going to talk a bit this Sunday (8/11) about how we change things other than ourselves. Last Sunday, I drew your attention to the Serenity Prayer and the three words I think matter the most: serenity, courage, and wisdom. All of these are at our fingertips, and yet they often elude us. Or, they fool us and we easily delude ourselves. A good way to understand this phenomenon is to study the "Near Enemies" of Buddhist practice. Near enemies are qualities that look desirable but are masquerading as something else. The near enemy of wisdom, for example, might be over-intellectualism. Acceptance/serenity? Indifference or despair. Here's a link to learn more about them: http://www.artofwellbeing.com/2017/06/28/nearenemies/

Still, the question remains... can we affect change in others or in the world around us? Feel free to let me know your thoughts or experiences as I prepare for Sunday. You can email me at cyncain@gnuuc.org

I also mentioned a few articles and books in my talk last week. Here are links for those:

The ATLANTIC article on reparations
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/01/tanehisi-coates-reparations/427041/

Michael Eric Dyson's Tears We Cannot Stop: A Sermon to White America
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31421117-tears-we-cannot-stop

And here's the Atlantic website that lists all of Coates' articles.
https://www.theatlantic.com/author/ta-nehisi-coates/

Enjoy and discuss! Looking forward, Cynthia

Greetings GNUUC folks,

As I prepare to leave Kentucky for my first week with you, I am realizing how much of a stranger I am to your state, your congregation, and to each of you. It will take some time for us to become acquainted! And, it might take me a bit longer, since there are about one hundred of you, and only one of me! (I do have a twin sister, but we’re fraternal, and almost nothing alike!) Some things I love are cooking, eating, reading, writing, and all kinds of outdoor activities, especially gardening. I also love meeting new people, and even though I’m an introvert by nature, I love getting to know people and what they love and value.

Still, my mother was born in Nashville in 1916 (she died when I was a small child) and my Grandfather Patton was a newspaperman there. My mother’s family were in Washington County in the early 1700s, and at one time owned much of the land there. So in a weird way, it’s a homecoming.

The next few weeks, I will be talking about Transitions, aware that this is one for you as well as for me. I know you may miss Carmen, and many of you miss Dan as well. I hope our time together will be mutually beneficial, and that we can learn, love, and laugh much together! Here are some ways you can contact me:

Email: cyncain@gnuuc.org (contact the office for cell phone number)

Facebook: I started a page for my friendships with GNUUC. It’s under RevCyn Cain.

I also have Twitter, but don’t use it often. Cyn_cain

Request a meeting: I haven’t set office hours yet, but I will generally be in town Thursdays through Mondays. Since I’m with you on a ¾ time basis, it will be harder for me to take on all the obligations your last minister did, and I’m counting on the leadership and you to help me decide what’s best.

It takes courage to live with integrity during these times. I don’t have all the answers, but I  have the luxury to spend a great deal of time considering and consolidating what kinds of things may help us summon that courage, and I hope to be able to synthesize the ideas and resources I have so that you can use them to better live each day. 

See you on Sunday!

Cynthia