Dear GNUUC family,

Have you ever thought about the value of gratitude?

Many of my friends and colleagues have started a gratitude “practice” on Facebook. Each day, they challenge themselves to notice and record three things for which they are grateful. 

For me, on this day, I might list:

I am grateful for the separation of powers that have brought us to the hearings on Impeachment. Shaky as the authority of the Constitution has been, it still stands as a remarkable document that sets us apart among modern countries.

I am grateful for my adult children. My middle son, Colin, turned 35 yesterday, and I always think on these celebrations of birth how incredibly lucky I am to have had these four children in my life.

I am so grateful for the leadership and for all of you here at GNUUC. My first few months have been such a privilege and a pleasure, getting to know you and being present in your lives.

Can you list three things you are grateful for in the days between now and Thanksgiving? Let me know if you try this and, if so, whether it makes any difference in your outlook. 

This exercise is closely related to Appreciative Inquiry, which your Board leadership has been studying and using. AI, as it is sometimes called, requires an approach that is revolutionary for traditional organizations, particularly churches. The usual mindset is to look for what’s wrong and then go about trying to find solutions. 

With holidays upon us, we can use gratitude and Appreciative techniques to have a very different experience. This year, especially, we may have more anxiety than ever due to the climate in this country.

This is not easy! It’s probably much more simple to drink a stiff bourbon so nothing fazes you, or develop a migraine so you can escape.

We’re talking about a real transformed way of interacting with others and experiencing the world. Robert Voyle, an Episcopal priest who brought AI to churches, says it requires what he calls a conversion.

This is not merely “sterile happy talk”. Nor is it simply changing the subject.(How about those Cats? as we say in Kentucky) Because you stay engaged and seek deeper meaning, highest values, and shared dreams ~ what he calls “articulation of things that matter,” you aren’t just playing Pollyanna. How can you do it? Ask questions.

You will find that people are initially taken quite by surprise when asked appreciative questions, but that very quickly, trust and a renewed vigor come about. Seek the commendable and steer away from judgment.

Ask questions that attend to memories, feelings, and imagination rather than or in addition to analysis and opinions. Simply asking that impossible relative a query about his/her favorite Thanksgiving and listening with enthusiasm could shift everything, for them as well as for you.

Again, if we’ve always had a deficit view, this is even more challenging than it sounds. AI is “less a technique than it is a commitment.”

It is really a radically new way of looking at the world, and it is possible only when we ourselves feel a deep appreciation for the gifts we have been given. That’s because as we experience true gratitude, we naturally give. We become able to give our time, our attention, and our goodwill to others out of a deep feeling of abundance and joy.

If this intrigues you, here are two of the best resources, the first for churches and the second for secular organizations

http://www.clergyleadership.com/appreciative-inquiry-resources/appreciative-inquiry-resources.cfm

https://appreciativeinquiry.champlain.edu/

ALL SOULS by May Sarton

Did someone say that there would be an end,
An end, Oh, an end, to love and mourning?
Such voices speak when sleep and waking blend,
The cold bleak voices of the early morning
When all the birds are dumb in dark November—
Remember and forget, forget, remember.

After the false night, warm true voices, wake!
Voice of the dead that touches the cold living,
Through the pale sunlight once more gravely speak.
Tell me again, while the last leaves are falling:
“Dear child, what has been once so interwoven
Cannot be raveled, nor the gift ungiven.”

Now the dead move through all of us still glowing,
Mother and child, lover and lover mated,
Are wound and bound together and enflowing.
What has been plaited cannot be unplaited—
Only the strands grow richer with each loss
And memory makes kings and queens of us.

Dark into light, light into darkness, spin.
When all the birds have flown to some real haven,
We who find shelter in the warmth within,
Listen, and feel new-cherished, new-forgiven,
As the lost human voices speak through us and blend
Our complex love, our mourning without end.

I love to celebrate All Souls Day in a congregation. It's true that "All Souls" is technically a Christian holiday, and yet there are quite a few UU congregations named "All Souls."  In fact, it was a Unitarian Church in New York city that first took the name All Souls. And our largest congregation at present, All Souls in Tulsa, OK also bears the name. 

The reason for this seems to be that Universalism, which was Christian, albeit unorthodox, held to the heretical belief that every being would ultimately be "saved," because the God they worshiped would not condemn any of his children to "Hell." Controversies raged over whether there would be instant Universal salvation, or a time of penance and reconciliation, also known as "limited" Atonement.

UU Christians and theists (as well as people like me, who are neither but still value the positive features of their former faith traditions) have long claimed that when UUism became primarily Humanist, we "threw the baby out with the bathwater." I think doing away with a sacred day like All Souls is a good example of that.  Most religious traditions have some recognition of the departed, traditionally around the time of year when Days grow short and Nature reminds us of our own demise as well as the impermanence of all things.

Taking time to pay attention to these things, and to comprehend our own finitude, can make life more precious, and can also bring us together, for the inevitability of death is one thing that unites us all. There is no better place than a warm, caring community to ponder and assimilate these truths. A community like GNUUC.

For all who have left us this year, let us lift up our gratitude and our attention.

Blessed Be.

Cynthia

Hello everyone!

Lately, I've been thinking about old sayings and so-called truisms, many of which are no longer so true. One I mentioned Sunday is "bigger is better" because when it comes to churches, I think small may just be better.

Another one I didn't include in my talk, but which leadership and new Science may take issue with is this pearl from Margaret Mead: "Never doubt that a small, committed group of people can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." Another Margaret (Wheatley) suggests that we start with the premise that we may NOT save the world. It opens up many possibilities; the most important, I believe, is that we learn to do what we can with what's left.

I have my manuscript and some links for you over on my blog www.ajerseygirlinkentucky.blogspot.com

But one old saying feels true right now: "When it rains, it pours" ... my surgery (hernia repair) went really well Monday! I feel well overall, but the localized discomfort from the incision is slowing me down. Meanwhile, my husband Eric had surgery yesterday! (Prostate) He had some setbacks and is in ICU. Needless to say, I can't drive yet, but our daughter is with him. He's much better this morning! But I need to stay here to help him when he gets home, and it's best if I don't go to Nashville this weekend.

At the same time, our wifi is out! I'm writing this as an email. It should be up in a few hours.

I will miss you all, and I can answer texts or emails, so don't hesitate to be in touch.

Here are some flowers Saung sent home with me!

Fondly, Cynthia (it's really NOT true that when it rains, it pours. Sometimes, it drizzles)

“Where you belong is where you choose to constantly choose to show up.”

—  Karina Antonopoulos

One of the best things about ministry (small “m” by which I mean yours as well as my large “M” Ministry) is that it makes us continue to learn about our own selves, even as we give of those selves to others.

We are always being offered ways to grow! It’s just that, normally, we pass them by. One reason travel makes us feel alive is that we are noticing, observing and immersing ourselves in the world we encounter. What if we did that in our day to day, ho-hum lives?

I wrote a chapter for the UUA book called Faithful Practices, in which I describe my social media use as a way of being present, of noticing, and a kind of worship. When I take photos of something that is at once ordinary and extraordinary, I look at the world around me with wonder and sometimes, awe.

https://www.uuabookstore.org/Faithful-Practices-P18332.aspx

But this month, we are talking about Belonging. Awe is our topic for December! 

What makes a person decide that this particular church/congregation is the one to which they belong?

Do we belong to the church or does it belong to us?

What does it mean to join the church? 

Upon my first visit to a UU congregation, 31 years ago this month, I knew that this was where I belonged. I’d always been drawn to church-like things, but the ones I’d spent time attending weren’t right for me. I felt like a sham when I repeated the words of the Nicene Creed or joined in the liturgy. Even though most of my sojourns had been in progressive, Anglican churches, I felt like running out the door. I was betraying my spirit by my presence there.

It’s important for me that newcomers and visitors feel welcomed, affirmed, and acknowledged. That we exercise hospitality as we would at our own home.

That they have the information they need to make a decision about whether to return, get involved, and ultimately to become members.

Here at GNUUC, our Membership process is in a bit of flux. Our greeters do a fine job of making that initial contact, and I appreciate their work. I need a few people who feel passionate about this to work together with me on answering these questions and making decisions about where we need more structure. Be aware that you don’t have to be an extrovert to be a Membership Team leader. As I’ve mentioned, my true nature is very introverted! What you do need, besides a passion, is a willingness to learn about the technology we have in place, willingness to show up for meetings, be they online or in person, and, most of all, the ability to follow through on tasks you agree to do. If you feel you might be interested, let me know via e-mail, text, or in person!

Keep showing up! See you this Sunday, or soon.

With gratitude, Cynthia

P.S. My sermon from Sunday and the links to sources can be found at my blog, www.ajerseygirlinkentucky.blogspot.com 

Hello All, I'm on my way home from a week's journey as I write this. We visited my son and his partner Liana in Albuquerque, but flew into Denver, to save money and to do some sightseeing.

While in Colorado. we visited the Manhattan project NP. It was so thought-provoking and such a horrifying reminder of how glibly we humans have desecrated this earth and decimated our fellow beings. Almost too much to comprehend.

Just a few blocks away from the visitor center, we chanced upon a more hopeful sight: a UU Congregation with a bold pride flag! The new and stunning building, filled with all the symbols of our shared faith, our halting but sure progress toward justice, and the many obvious signs of our welcome and affirmation of the young, restored my faith in some measure.

Today I met with a friend in Colorado Springs, a UU minister whom I supervised during her internship. I could see from our conversation that I have grown in my understanding and empathy in 15 years.

I'm glad I belong to Unitarian Universalism.

Are you? I hope to see you this Sunday and continue our conversation about Belonging. We will start with a look at the UU Rainbow project, a history of LGBTQ+ presence in UUism, and move outward from there.

See y'all soon, Cynthia

As you read this, I will be in Colorado, and heading to Albuquerque to visit my son Colin and his  significant other. We timed our visit to allow us to attend the annual balloon festival. It so happens that Seth’s fall break nearly coincides with the balloon event, so we are going to celebrate both. But I will be here on the 2nd and 3rd Sundays this month to work with you on the notion of “Belonging.” Meanwhile, you can contact me for urgent matters.

I love that the word be-longing includes “longing.” It has been said that everyone has a God-shaped hole in their heart. I’m aware that “God” is a word and a concept that is helpful to some of you and unhelpful, even harmful, for others. When I use it, it comes from my understanding of a Higher Power, which I have cobbled together from Jung, Paul Tillich, Thomas Merton, the 12 Steps, and the experiences and inquiries of my life. When I use it, if you don’t feel connected, please think of it as “Good Orderly Direction.” Does that work?

I don’t know that I would say everyone has a God-shaped hole, but I get the implication. I am certain that, for some part, maybe all of our lives, we are beset by longing, by yearning. If we are honest, we’d acknowledge that there is no thing that can assuage that feeling of emptiness, distress, or despair. Things are temporary, transient, impermanent.

 Colin, who is eight-plus years sober, has an answer: Go help somebody. He does a great deal of service, through sponsoring other men, visiting jail, and leading meetings. This may not entirely fill the gap, but he swears it keeps him sane.

A critical question here is whether helping others may actually be hindering them

In Family Systems studies, we’d say that helping too much (over-functioning) is harmful to us, and probably not helpful to the recipient. People in 12 step programs learn how to recognize over-functioning (they’d use the term enabling) and begin the process of self-acknowledgement, self-awareness, and self-actualization through rigorous honesty and practice. Family systems uses different terms, but I’m convinced the process is similar. Discovering where you end and other people begin is a way to becoming whole.

The amazing thing is that we can do this work together, because we belong to something greater than ourselves: a community.

During my time in Nashville this weekend, I was able to visit with some folks at home, or meet them in neutral places. YES, I got to check out the Loveless Café. It got me thinking about what we are doing when we get involved in a community, most especially a church.

The world can feel like a pretty love-less place these days. We are divided by politics, life choices, racial and economic identities. And, there are entities that want us to feel divided, or even loveless, because it benefits them.

Consumer and capitalist enterprise make lots of bounty from convincing us that better looking or smelling teeth, hair, skin, and attire will make us attractive and, I presume, lovable.

Schools work hard to instill competition and the notion that winning means either being super smart or working super hard to look smart. 

At some point, if we are lucky, and diligent, we learn that most of this is BS, and we choose to live differently: to become more spiritual, that is, less materialistic. We gradually give up “things” until there is nothing to give up but our own life.

Lots and lots of us try to avoid this reckoning as long as possible. That’s because it is painful and requires suffering. Instead, we fend off the realization with addiction, or, in Buddhist lingo, desire, tanha, or “grasping.” Addictions, from alcohol and drugs to food, work, sex, busyness and (one of mine) podcasts can stave off the loveless reality for a long time.

Buddhism tells us that there is a way out of this suffering, or dukkha. The way is the Noble Eightfold Path, which includes mindfulness and living, working, and even eating with intention. Buddhism also has the Three Jewels, which are the Buddha, the Dharma (teachings), and the sangha. That’s where church comes in. We can be your sangha. But this miraculous transformation requires something of you. We are not the MacDonald’s of spirituality. We are here to play, laugh, weep, learn, work, and even struggle together. I am grateful to be able to join you on this path at this time in your journey and mine.

Thank you,

Cynthia

Hello friends,

This was a very busy weekend. First thoughts, prayers and condolences to all who deserve our care and compassion this past week! I’m so delighted that Theresa is home, still recovering from her accident; John and Loretta traveled to NC for the memorial for his mother; Charles was briefly hospitalized but is doing well and may already be home (He was in NY for the memorial for his brother); Linda is recovering from her injury. 

There is such a wonderful Lay Caring team here at GNUUC! We’ll be meeting Thursday to coordinate and discuss our mutual ministry. As I mentioned last week, I hope to visit with or visit each GNUUC family or individual. When there are injuries, illness, and losses, you will move to the top of the list! But please stay healthy and well, and just let me know if you want me to stop by for a chance to become better acquainted. I would love for everyone to feel they can ask me questions, provide feedback, and share their journeys with me as much as they would like.

A particular goal of mine is to become more acquainted with the youth and children of GNUUC. As I told your Search Team, I love kids and old people, and as I’m quickly becoming one of the latter, I hope I can still relate to the former! A good opportunity for me to get to know the young folks here is for me to occasionally do the Time For All  Sages. Sunday was the first time I’ve done this and, while I’m not a trained storyteller, I like to engage the kids with some questions. Since we are exploring the Soul Matters theme of “Expectations,” I asked on Sunday about what they expected a Minister to do.

The answers were great!

Among them, “wear a long scarf-like thing” (which gave me a chance to don Rev. Dan’s stole that his wife Jan has donated to GNUUC), “wear clothes that match,” “smile,” be “funny” and “care for us.” One young person also added, “make things fun!” I’m going to try and accomplish all of these, and I trust someone will tell me if my clothes don’t match!

I think this congregation and I are a good match for this point in your story. Time will tell, of course, but I want to express how grateful I am for your kindness and forbearance as I get back into the groove of ministry and acquaint myself with the new (to me) technologies that we have handy.

You can read the text of my sermon at my blog: www.ajerseygirlinkentucky.blogspot.com

I’m doing my best to get to know you so I can care for you, and I’m absolutely having fun! 

In shared faith and hope,

Cynthia

As I write, I realize this will be sent on 9/11. It has been eighteen years since the 9/11 attacks. It could be said that this series of events (and the responses to it) changed our country, and perhaps the world, irreversibly. 

What we come together for (besides good food!) is community. We are seeking solace, inspiration, affirmation, and challenge. It’s become a truism among churchy people that we are meant to “comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable”. This saying was first uttered by Peter Finley Dunne, an early 20th century Chicago newspaper man. He was talking about newspapers, but his words now guide many if not most UU clergy. In present times, both are needed, and I think both are important tasks for voluntary associations and faith groups. In my own decision-making process about what I share, I strive for a balance. I like to endeavor to alternate between what I’d call pastoral and prophetic topics. One sermon can, of course, include both.

This past week, my research led me back into the study of Bowen Family systems. Here’s a link to my blog, where I’ve published my sermon:

www.ajerseygirlinkentucky.blogspot.com

There are also some links, which I encourage you to follow, especially if you are in leadership here at GNUUC or elsewhere.

I look forward to becoming better acquainted with you all, and if you don’t invite me to your home, I may invite myself! It is good to know and be known. We can, of course, meet at my office or for coffee, if you don’t want me invading your personal space! I am here for three weekends per month, almost always the first three (except for October, when we will be visiting my son, Colin who has just passed his qualifying exams to continue in his five-year PhD program in Economics, in New Mexico). I arrive mid-day on Thursday, and I’m here until Monday afternoon. I can always return if there is an emergency. 

Here’s to a week of comfort and challenge!

Your minister, Cynthia