Happy New Year!

I wrote to all my offspring and their partners (There are now SIX plus Christina’s daughter Willow!) and told them I hoped that at least one or two of their dreams come true this year. My daughter Marjorie texted back: Why not ALL our dreams? Because, I said, you’d soon be unhappy and want more, and what would you have to work toward?

I don’t buy lottery tickets or gamble. I don’t put much faith in crystals, tarot cards, omens, portents, or wishing and hoping. Some people I know do, and that’s fine. Ultimately, they’ll be disappointed, or reality will confront them in some way.

Life is hard. What we get is what we work for. And…for many people who start out disadvantaged, they may work hard and still not get what they deserve. Life is also unfair.

I believe in karma in the sense that life itself is our own reward and punishment. 

I believe in dreams (by which I mean actual sleeping dreams) as a manifestation of our innate wisdom and the collective unconscious as discovered and defined by Jung.

I believe that human nature can be good, benevolent, and unselfish. But it also can be cruel, dishonest, and petty. In some cases, evil. I don’t believe in heaven or hell as they are commonly understood.

Can you write some statements about yourself like this? For January, we will look together at integrity. For me, the best definition of integrity is this: what I say is consistent with what I believe and with what I do. I’ve never achieved what I consider integrity for more than a short moment. But I keep working toward that goal. I may change my mind again, but for now I’d say a good life is one I can look back on with the satisfaction that I lived with integrity more often than not. Either way, it will keep me busy for years to come!

The person who comes to mind immediately when I think of integrity is Wendell Berry. I know him and his family because his wife Tanya’s parents were Unitarians and I was her mom’s minister in Lexington until she died.  Here’s one thing I wrote about him some years ago:

(On Staying Put)

Nor Wendell Berry, our Kentucky prophet who also “came back,” after fourteen years’ study and wandering, with both affection and loving judgment. He writes in Renewing Husbandry, “Perhaps because I was a returned traveler intending to stay, I now saw the place more clearly than before. I saw it critically too.”

We comprehend the longing to leave home: be it for learning, expanding our horizons, for enlarging our perspective. Those who flee only to escape may never follow this well-trod path of exile and return. But many of us do.

Most of us deeply understand the longing to go home. We resonate with Scott Russell Sanders in Staying Put that humans have an instinct for home that he calls devotion: “I suspect that most human achievements worth admiring are the result of such devotion.”

DEVOTION… implies more than fondness or nostalgia. It implies that, once home, one will endeavor to bring what she has learned home, for good.

Berry is talking about both home and marriage when he writes: “Two human possibilities of the highest order come within reach: what one wants can become the same as what one has, and knowledge can cause respect for what one knows.”

Now, after fifty years of speaking to us through his fiction, poems, and essays, Wendell Berry is beginning to be heard, to be acknowledged, to be heeded (by other than sustainability nuts and UU ministers). Thus it ever has been with prophets. Those once seen as braying donkeys are finally heard, often long after they are gone. Berry will deliver the Jefferson Lecture in Washington DC’s Kennedy Center this month as the recipient of the Nation’s highest honor in the Humanities. “To our national disgrace, he has been a prophet without honor in his homeland.” (Rod Dreher) At least we didn’t kill him first before he saw his honor.

But Wendell doesn’t care for or about honors and accolades any more than did King, or the apocryphal Patrick or Jesus. Some of these stories are fact, some are fiction, some are fantasy, but they are “true” whether they are factual or not. It is human nature to return. It is also human nature to want to improve, oneself and that which one loves. And it is human to refuse to hear the truth, though it be told us again and again. In the case of these four individuals the truth was based in love, devotion, justice and peace.

If you’d like to learn more, go to www.berrycenter.org and browse!

I’ll be “bringing” Wendell via picture and words on Sunday. Will you think about someone you believe has integrity? It can be one of your parents or children, or someone we all know of. Also, bring a cell phone! See the e-blast note about how to be involved (you can do this even if you won’t be there).

Sunday, January 5, 2020 is “Twelfth Night” … let’s celebrate with some play in the spirit of misrule! See you soon,

Cynthia

Season’s Greetings to one and all,

Sunday before last, I traveled from GNUUC to the congregation in Lexington which I served for 14 years. I’d been asked to give the eulogy for a long-time member who died in October. She had dementia for several years; hence, the current minister did not know her well. I was a bit apprehensive. I hadn’t been to the church but once in six years. I knew everyone would be at the funeral. I didn’t know how they, or I, would feel after a long absence. 

Of course, my negative expectations were unfounded. I had delightful interactions with many, many members and felt welcome and at home there, even after so much time. The biggest shock was how gray and how much older some folks looked (including, I am sure, me! I was 44 when I arrived) But, as I sat on the podium waiting for my time to speak, I was still nervous. Others spoke. One of them, a member long before my time, came up to share. She paused, however, and greeted me by bending down and giving me a kiss, saying, I love you.

I can’t begin to explain what that small gesture meant to me. As I thought about it later, I realized that it will be one of those moments I cherish as long as I have memory. It was such a simple thing, but it left a large impression. In that moment, she was like an angel to me.

There are all variety of supernatural angels.

But I’m thinking about the people who, in the moments that they are most needed, show up with love, empathy, and kindness. They are everyday angels.

And what they bring, and how they bring it, is timeless, is mystery, and is miraculous: Love.

I hope you will make time to attend our Christmas Eve service. I’ll be taking on the theme of angels, and there will be some fabulous music presented by our Music Director Fran, our choir, and several other members. Feel free to bring family. It won’t be a supernatural service, but it will feel comfortable and welcoming to those of any faith, or of none. 

Here are some words by the theologian and pastor Howard Thurman:

When the song of the angels is stilled, when the star in the sky is gone, when the kings and princes are home, when the shepherds are back with their flocks, the work of Christmas begins: to find the lost, to heal the broken, to feed the hungry, to release the prisoner, to rebuild the nations, to bring peace among the people, to make music in the heart.

This work is the work each of us must remember to do. And together, we can do.

With Love,

Cynthia

Season’s Greetings!

As we head into the holiday season, I would like to wish joy and peace to each one of you. You’ve made my transition to GNUUC a truly pleasant and welcoming experience. I thank you.

Just because I say that does not imply that we as a congregation, or you, have no challenges. If you need my services, I will do all I can to make myself available. I know that because I commute weekly, some of you feel that my time is limited. But please know that I have time, and can make time, when needed (or even when not needed!) I look forward to what organizers call “one-on-ones” with each of you.

My time in Nashville is usually Thursday morning until Sunday evening or Monday morning. I plan to do my utmost to be at the building on Thursday during office hours (10-2). I’m often there much of Friday, and part of Saturday, when I cook while finishing up my tasks for Sunday. Still, it’s best to call or text me ahead of time in case I’m meeting with another individual or group. My number is available to members… ask someone in leadership, call the office, or ask me!

I’m almost always there on the first 3 weekends of each month. There are times when that may be different, so check the church calendar to be sure.

This past week I was at a training for NOAH/Gamaliel national which was held in Nashville. This was a great opportunity to learn more about this worthy organization and to become acquainted with many of its members and Staff. I know that GNUUC went through conflict last year because of one NOAH decision; however, I submit that while that may have been the last straw for some who chose to leave, the camel was weighed down in other ways. I hope we can take a fresh look at NOAH, because most UU congregations do belong to a similar organization (they fall under different umbrellas but all operate in a similar fashion), and it is truly the best way to overcome racial boundaries, involving, as they do, most of the Black congregations and many progressive mostly-white ones. Just stay in the conversation!

Here's a link to the Gamaliel website: https://gamaliel.org/about-us/

And here’s a (ten-year-old) post from a conservative group which hates it! https://capitalresearch.org/article/the-gamaliel-foundation-alinsky-inspired-group-uses-stealth-tactics-to-manipulate-church-congregations/

I didn’t see any manipulation or scare tactics whatsoever! Instead, I was genuinely impressed by how much attention went into acknowledging gender neutral and gender identity issues, how much effort they are putting into including people who are atheist and Humanist as well as those of more traditional faiths, and how radically inclusive they are of mentally and physically differently-abled or atypical persons. Jewish and Muslim congregations are active participants. I think in 2020 it would be great for us to have some conversations about Gamaliel and NOAH.

Last Sunday, I addressed awe and wonder in the Wizard of Oz story. I suggested that we could all find a sense of reverence and awe if we change the way we look at each moment of the day. I hope you’ve given that a try! This week, we look at darkness and its many gifts, and that includes but is not limited to depression and times of spiritual despair.

I’ll be starting off with a poem by one of my favorite poets (and one of the best American poets in the 20th century), Theodore Roethke. Here’s a link to the poem…in case my fellow English majors and poetry nerds want to puzzle over it ahead of time!

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43347/in-a-dark-time

I hope to see you Sunday.

With great affection,

Cynthia

Happy Advent!

I am excited and grateful to share this season with you. Whether you celebrate the holiday as a progressive Christian, celebrate Hanukkah as a Jewish person, or simply enjoy the pagan and earth-based ancient traditions meant to brighten the time of impending cold and dark, I invite you to look for new and nourishing ways to increase your own (and others’) peace, joy, and appreciation of beauty in places, things, and people.

Here’s a nifty collection of UU Advent readings that you can use to broaden your knowledge! Just open the UUA.org site to find today’s selection or download the whole PDF document and enjoy it. I learned today that Currier of Currier & Ives was a Unitarian! It can be argued that Unitarians and Universalists are responsible for many of the modern “Christmas” traditions that we practice today.

UU Advent Calendar

I must admit that I struggle through this time of year. Many tragedies befell my family during this season. I’ve probably had more “Blue” Christmases than glowing ones. But I’ve learned that if I allow myself to become self-critical, or to try to do too much to negate my sad feelings, things get worse!

I make mistakes and I grow less able with the passing years to do the tap dance this season requires. I must stay aware of my own tendency to judge (myself most of all) and to become, instead, my own ally and champion. I’ve been using a meditation app that is very helpful in getting me to stay focused and to do what is most important. The one I use is called “Calm,” but it costs money and I understand there are others that are free.

I enjoyed reading this blog entry by a colleague.  It reminded me that we all have “off” days and moments. Particularly since I discovered that I was still ruminating over everything that didn’t go as planned this Sunday, my first Family Service at GNUUC that I thought I was so well prepared for. There were exactly TWO children and I’d planned the service to be inclusive and geared toward our youth and having them take part. The slides, which I’d worked WAY TOO LONG on, weren’t organized as they probably should have been, and my script for following them wasn’t helpful. Let’s just say I learned a lot! Later, I discovered that a check someone had handed me for the Discretionary Fund had gone missing, and had to ask the donors to stop payment on it. So… when I saw on facebook a link to “The Worst Sermon I Ever Preached,” I was delighted! The reality is that I have a community of colleagues who are there to listen to and comfort me. 

The Worst Sermon I Ever Preached

All of this is a way of saying that I hope you can help me, and join me, in giving yourselves a break, accept all of your flaws and imperfections, even when the expectations for yourself and others goad you to keep up or do it all. I’m grateful for the forbearance and patience you have all shown me as I get accustomed to how things work here at GNUUC. I have found you to be a fabulous group of people, and one I can brag about with complete assurance!

And, if the season brings sadness, melancholy or grief to you, know you are not alone. You can reach out to me, to our Lay Pastoral Care team, or to another friend or family member that you can trust to listen and be present to your feelings.

We are community.

With Love,

Cynthia

Greetings from Washington, DC, where I’ve been spending several days with local Nashville clergy, sponsored by the Temple! We’ve had a guided, facilitated two days at the Holocaust Memorial Museum, and today will do the same at the African American Museum of National History. What an amazing opportunity it has been to see and learn much more about other faiths, and to be connected with other faith leaders in town!

I’m rushing since our schedule is packed! I have long thought about my late mother-in-law and her parents, who came to the US before the war, and about how my husband nor my daughter would exist had they not left (from Eastern Europe, Romania, and Russia. I was with those memories as I walked alone through the exhibits.

And, I learned more about the Sharps, a Unitarian minister, and spouse who risked their lives helping Jews get out of Poland. Their story touches upon Norbert Capek, Unitarian minister in Prague, who was sent to Auschwitz and died in the gas chambers. His extraordinary courage, staying in Prague when he could have left, and support the anti-Nazi movement when he was not Jewish, is a model for us. 

Read more about the Sharps here:  https://www.uua.org/re/tapestry/adults/river/workshop12/178734.shtml

Or buy the book from Beacon Press here. https://www.beaconbroadside.com/broadside/2016/05/defying-the-nazis-discovering-the-heroic-legacy-of-martha-and-waitstill-sharp.html

There is also a Ken Burns documentary.

We have, as UUs a deep and lasting legacy of advocating for the marginalized, the oppressed, and the vulnerable. Our task is to honor that legacy.

With love and hope,

Cynthia

Dear GNUUC family,

Have you ever thought about the value of gratitude?

Many of my friends and colleagues have started a gratitude “practice” on Facebook. Each day, they challenge themselves to notice and record three things for which they are grateful. 

For me, on this day, I might list:

I am grateful for the separation of powers that have brought us to the hearings on Impeachment. Shaky as the authority of the Constitution has been, it still stands as a remarkable document that sets us apart among modern countries.

I am grateful for my adult children. My middle son, Colin, turned 35 yesterday, and I always think on these celebrations of birth how incredibly lucky I am to have had these four children in my life.

I am so grateful for the leadership and for all of you here at GNUUC. My first few months have been such a privilege and a pleasure, getting to know you and being present in your lives.

Can you list three things you are grateful for in the days between now and Thanksgiving? Let me know if you try this and, if so, whether it makes any difference in your outlook. 

This exercise is closely related to Appreciative Inquiry, which your Board leadership has been studying and using. AI, as it is sometimes called, requires an approach that is revolutionary for traditional organizations, particularly churches. The usual mindset is to look for what’s wrong and then go about trying to find solutions. 

With holidays upon us, we can use gratitude and Appreciative techniques to have a very different experience. This year, especially, we may have more anxiety than ever due to the climate in this country.

This is not easy! It’s probably much more simple to drink a stiff bourbon so nothing fazes you, or develop a migraine so you can escape.

We’re talking about a real transformed way of interacting with others and experiencing the world. Robert Voyle, an Episcopal priest who brought AI to churches, says it requires what he calls a conversion.

This is not merely “sterile happy talk”. Nor is it simply changing the subject.(How about those Cats? as we say in Kentucky) Because you stay engaged and seek deeper meaning, highest values, and shared dreams ~ what he calls “articulation of things that matter,” you aren’t just playing Pollyanna. How can you do it? Ask questions.

You will find that people are initially taken quite by surprise when asked appreciative questions, but that very quickly, trust and a renewed vigor come about. Seek the commendable and steer away from judgment.

Ask questions that attend to memories, feelings, and imagination rather than or in addition to analysis and opinions. Simply asking that impossible relative a query about his/her favorite Thanksgiving and listening with enthusiasm could shift everything, for them as well as for you.

Again, if we’ve always had a deficit view, this is even more challenging than it sounds. AI is “less a technique than it is a commitment.”

It is really a radically new way of looking at the world, and it is possible only when we ourselves feel a deep appreciation for the gifts we have been given. That’s because as we experience true gratitude, we naturally give. We become able to give our time, our attention, and our goodwill to others out of a deep feeling of abundance and joy.

If this intrigues you, here are two of the best resources, the first for churches and the second for secular organizations

http://www.clergyleadership.com/appreciative-inquiry-resources/appreciative-inquiry-resources.cfm

https://appreciativeinquiry.champlain.edu/

ALL SOULS by May Sarton

Did someone say that there would be an end,
An end, Oh, an end, to love and mourning?
Such voices speak when sleep and waking blend,
The cold bleak voices of the early morning
When all the birds are dumb in dark November—
Remember and forget, forget, remember.

After the false night, warm true voices, wake!
Voice of the dead that touches the cold living,
Through the pale sunlight once more gravely speak.
Tell me again, while the last leaves are falling:
“Dear child, what has been once so interwoven
Cannot be raveled, nor the gift ungiven.”

Now the dead move through all of us still glowing,
Mother and child, lover and lover mated,
Are wound and bound together and enflowing.
What has been plaited cannot be unplaited—
Only the strands grow richer with each loss
And memory makes kings and queens of us.

Dark into light, light into darkness, spin.
When all the birds have flown to some real haven,
We who find shelter in the warmth within,
Listen, and feel new-cherished, new-forgiven,
As the lost human voices speak through us and blend
Our complex love, our mourning without end.

I love to celebrate All Souls Day in a congregation. It's true that "All Souls" is technically a Christian holiday, and yet there are quite a few UU congregations named "All Souls."  In fact, it was a Unitarian Church in New York city that first took the name All Souls. And our largest congregation at present, All Souls in Tulsa, OK also bears the name. 

The reason for this seems to be that Universalism, which was Christian, albeit unorthodox, held to the heretical belief that every being would ultimately be "saved," because the God they worshiped would not condemn any of his children to "Hell." Controversies raged over whether there would be instant Universal salvation, or a time of penance and reconciliation, also known as "limited" Atonement.

UU Christians and theists (as well as people like me, who are neither but still value the positive features of their former faith traditions) have long claimed that when UUism became primarily Humanist, we "threw the baby out with the bathwater." I think doing away with a sacred day like All Souls is a good example of that.  Most religious traditions have some recognition of the departed, traditionally around the time of year when Days grow short and Nature reminds us of our own demise as well as the impermanence of all things.

Taking time to pay attention to these things, and to comprehend our own finitude, can make life more precious, and can also bring us together, for the inevitability of death is one thing that unites us all. There is no better place than a warm, caring community to ponder and assimilate these truths. A community like GNUUC.

For all who have left us this year, let us lift up our gratitude and our attention.

Blessed Be.

Cynthia

Greetings one and all!

Thanks so much for your kind wishes and concerns this past week! I am fully recovered, but my husband Eric had prostate surgery a day after my procedure and he is not doing well. I should know by today whether he will have to go back into the hospital. If not, I will be heading to TN tomorrow. Feel free to email or text me at 859-221-3034 if you need anything!

I've had a lot of time to think this past week. Something I've been realizing is that each of us has a small child within us that needs attention, affirmation, and affection. Or, as Wordsworth famously penned, "the child is father of the man."

My Heart Leaps Up

My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
The Child is father of the Man;
And I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety

William Wordsworth

I never fully understood that quote. Wordsworth is talking about a joyful innocence that he hopes never to lose.

I think it also applies to the needs and longings we may have suppressed, but which are still somewhere within us. We wear the facade of the responsible adult on the outside and rarely acknowledge the needy child, particularly those of us who were neglected in a substantial way.

I've spoken a few times about how we can be more whole and live more purposefully. I said that you can start anywhere on the circle: love yourself, love the other, love the world. But many people feel stymied by the suggestion to "love yourself." I know because it left me nonplussed for decades. I think those of us who are up in years were not raised to love ourselves. Instead most of us learned to be responsible, diligent, successful, and often, competitive.

It was only through years and years of having a spiritual practice that I finally became capable of self regard and self love. There are a few shortcuts I'll share as our acquaintance grows. One is to picture yourself as a small child and imagine tenderly holding and reassuring that young you. At some point, the critical dialogue that runs through your head will silence, and when it pipes up, you will reply, sticking up for yourself as you would for a child of yours.

It's a frightening and discouraging world. There's not a lot of love to spare. So it seems.... until we realize there's more than enough, that it can only increase, that it is indeed all we have.

Go in love,

Cynthia

Hello everyone!

Lately, I've been thinking about old sayings and so-called truisms, many of which are no longer so true. One I mentioned Sunday is "bigger is better" because when it comes to churches, I think small may just be better.

Another one I didn't include in my talk, but which leadership and new Science may take issue with is this pearl from Margaret Mead: "Never doubt that a small, committed group of people can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." Another Margaret (Wheatley) suggests that we start with the premise that we may NOT save the world. It opens up many possibilities; the most important, I believe, is that we learn to do what we can with what's left.

I have my manuscript and some links for you over on my blog www.ajerseygirlinkentucky.blogspot.com

But one old saying feels true right now: "When it rains, it pours" ... my surgery (hernia repair) went really well Monday! I feel well overall, but the localized discomfort from the incision is slowing me down. Meanwhile, my husband Eric had surgery yesterday! (Prostate) He had some setbacks and is in ICU. Needless to say, I can't drive yet, but our daughter is with him. He's much better this morning! But I need to stay here to help him when he gets home, and it's best if I don't go to Nashville this weekend.

At the same time, our wifi is out! I'm writing this as an email. It should be up in a few hours.

I will miss you all, and I can answer texts or emails, so don't hesitate to be in touch.

Here are some flowers Saung sent home with me!

Fondly, Cynthia (it's really NOT true that when it rains, it pours. Sometimes, it drizzles)